Pre-Season Pandemonium

by ezweightloss Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:38 am

Blake Johnson: With the recent collapse of the NFL, many things have arisen as topics to discuss but the top story is definitely that of the newly formed Chedda Football League also known as the CFL. The league after a conclave of new team owners awarded the prestigious position of commissioner to a man known only as "Chedda", fans are skeptical after the player lockouts that led to the disastrous downfall of a once esteemed NFL.

J. Woods: Of course they are skeptical Blake! I would be too if I was forced to watch Arena Football in a prime time slot. I'd rather be watching Desperate Housewives, at least then I'd have something to look at.

Blake Johnson: As I was saying, the players and management were not able to reach an agreement after over a year of bargaining and we are all in question of how Chedda will be able to build a league from the ground up.

J. Woods: Blake, just cut the crap already, that is the past, this Chedda guy looks like the real deal, I had the opportunity to meet with Chedda at the new CFL headquarters in Las Vegas. Lemme tell you something Blake, if there is one thing this guy knows how to do, it's how to party. I went back to my room and i found three hoochie mamas waiting for me. Or was that last year for my fantasy football draft with my friends?

Blake Johnson: Woods! That rubbish is irrelevant! This is a respectable show, let's try and keep it that way!

J. Woods: They brought me in to add some flavor because your humor was as dry as my grandma's elbows, and believe me they are dry!

Blake Johnson: All you do is sit there like a stunned mullet!

J. Woods: Don't get me started on mullets Blake!

Blake Johnson: I can't work with this guy! But in the midst of that I will keep it classy. The previous team owners were forced to sell their teams after revenues had ceased completely.

J. Woods: Yeah they were selling them cheaper than a one eyed hooker on a Tuesday night!

Blake Johnson: On a brighter note we have our field reporter, Jackie Flores, who is live with Chedda. Take it away Jackie.

J. Woods: That's not the only thing she's taking, if you know what I mean... (winks at Blake)

Jackie Flores: Hi guys, I'm live here with Chedda, so glad to be able to be able to catch up with a man as busy as yourself.

Chedda: No problem, I always like to take a little time out of my busy schedule to reach out to my fans.

(in background)
J. Woods: yeah that and hoochie mamas...

Blake: For once in your life can you not interrupt a conversation! What are you 10?!

J. Woods: yeah, 10 inches...

Jackie: Chedda, so many people are curious about your real identity, do you plan to remain as anonymous as possible?

Chedda: Yes, I feel it's best that way. I believe that there is a mystique about the mystery that keeps people entertained.

Jackie: Did you know there is a rumor going around that you are secretly a superhero when you aren't working on this new league of yours?

Chedda: Why actually no I didn't, I don't like to get too caught up with the media's hype on my persona. I just do my job and do it as best I can.

Jackie: Speaking of your job, how do you plan to get all the players back to work when the NFL tried so hard to and failed?

Chedda: Well Jackie, to be honest, I'm going to give them more money. It's as simple as that, that they are happy, the fans are happy, and it's a win/win situation for everybody.

Jackie: How do you expect to budget that in this time of recession?

Chedda: That is for my accountants to worry about. I just keep my eyes on the big picture.

Jackie: And what is the big picture?

(in background)
J. Woods: I don't know about no big picture but you sure have some big breasts Jackie!

Chedda: The big picture is this, running a successful league with 32 of the most dedicated owners and staffs you'll ever find. Without these guys I wouldn't be able to do anything. They are the reason the league is going to work immediately, I'm just a figure head, if you get a chance talk to some of them, they are all class acts.

Jackie: Speaking of, how do you feel about your colleague Coach EZ buying out ESPN? Do you think it will form a bias or have negative results on your league?

Chedda: Like I said these guys are all class acts, EZ is one of them, I believe ESPN will maintain it's great reputation under EZ and a bias is just absurd.

Jackie: Thank you for your time Chedda and good luck. Back to you Blake.

Blake: Thanks Jackie. Well there you have it, straight from the commish himself. Personally I don't know about having the headquarters in Vegas though, I definitely see some problems arising from that.

J. Woods: That's because you're a little girl.

Blake: I would rather work with that one eyed hooker you were talking about then do another show with you!

J. Woods: Don't talk about Jackie like that, she is a nice lady.. with some nice knockers.

Blake: No you idiot. I think you have an attention span similiar to that of a goat!

J. Woods: Please Blake, let's not bring your mother into this.

Blake: Are you calling my mother a goat?!

J. Woods: What is this goat you speak of? I think you're losing it Blake, I think I need a new partner. You are always straying off topic. From here at ESPN, tune in again soon for our next installment of "SportsCenter Revamped", and stay classy San Diego.

(after the show cuts off)
Blake: We aren't in San Diego you idiot! This is Hollywood!

J. Woods: The only wood I know of is Inglewood, that's why they call me J. Woods, oh and I know about that wood I got when Jackie was on the screen.

Blake: You disgust me..